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What do we do with all this blood?

Round and round and round we go.  Where we stop nobody knows.

Well, now you will.  If you follow us on Twitter that is.

You can track down our whereabouts at
http://twitter.com/ureunderattack

It’s a dangerous life and we gotta keep moving.  First the zombies, then the governments and their corresponding agencies, and now the underground syndicates.

Join us on our adventures around the world as we bludgeon zombie after zombie and reveal truth after truth!

Zombie babies are to be feared.

..yes, they’re cute, cuddly, and they’re trying to eat your flesh.

It’s unfortunate when an infant or small child becomes a dead zombie baby but they’re also easier to kill.  There’s a silver lining on every cloud.

If you suspect someone of having a zombie baby, I suggest you act quickly before the infection spreads.  Parents are often weak in such situations and have trouble coming to terms with terminating their offspring.  This is where you come in.

The choice is up to you whether you want to confront the parents or not.  In my opinion, it’s best to avoid confrontation.  Parents can quickly become hostile and irrational and your life will be in danger.

It’s best to get rid of the zombie baby in secret.  Should you decide to alert the parents of what you are about to do, bring a friend, and be prepared for the worst.  Often the parents will be more dangerous than the zombie baby itself.

When exterminating the zombie baby, pay close attention to it’s height.  While its short stature may prove to be your advantage, do not forget that you will need to protect your knees and lower extremities.  This is often forgotten by veteran zombie fighters as zombie babies are not as common.

Because of the height of the baby zombie, I recommend a weapon that swings straight for the head without you having to bend over.  This saves a lot of strain on your back, shoulders and neck.  A cricket bat would do nicely.

Here are some tips to note:

• While they are babies or infants, they are stronger than your average baby due to the infection.
• Their drool is fatal if it mixes with an open wound.  And we all know how babies like to drool.
• If they haven’t started teething yet, you’re in luck but even the slightest cut from a baby tooth is enough to kill you.

Using my expert skills of investigation, I managed to track down the source of the photograph.  Well, as close as I could.  The man who took this photo had long since died but according to his son, the photo was taken during the Rif War in 1920 in Morocco.  War was on everyone’s mind.  It was the perfect time for human trafficking.  According to the photographer’s son, his father needed an extra dime and after a long journey through the Rif mountains he landed in the small town of Tetouan.

Something happened in Tetouan.  The son couldn’t tell me; he had no idea.  But his father ended up with these 3 zombie child brides.  He got rid of the child brides and pocketed a decent profit. Rumour has it that either the Spanish were doing  some experiments or that General Franco had a weird fetish.

There have been a myriad of speculations and estimates as to how the zombie apocalypse will come about.  That’s the scary thing.  All of them could be true.

Now we all know that fiction mirrors reality (or is it the other way around) and what better way to explain the zombie infection than to analyze the zombie movie classics.

Sure, we can’t believe everything we read on the internet or see on tv, but in this case these movies are based on reality and steeped in factual accuracy (or at least try to be).  I found this article that seeks to accomplish an analytical review of zombie movies to find an explanation.  Have a read, you may find it more useful than investing your hard earned dollars on another shotgun.

“The Zombie Next Door: The Science of the Walking Dead

Two weeks ago I wrote a list of five doomsday films ranked by plausibility. The response to this piece made me realize that I overlooked the most pressing apocalyptic threat of all: zombies.

The onslaught of the living dead has been a mainstay of horror cinema for decades, beginning with the Bela Lugosi vehicle White Zombie in 1932. Over the following years zombies popped up in movies as one of many monstrous villains, often filling the minion role. It wasn’t until George Romero’s groundbreaking 1968 film Night of the Living Dead that the idea of a zombie apocalypse was introduced. Romero’s cannibalistic zombies have since become the archetype used in countless films, books, and video games. The cause of the virulent plague of the walking dead varies, however. Everything from spiritual curses, viruses, chemical weapons, and alien microorganisms have been used to explain the origin of zombies. Below the jump we examine the real-world evidence behind some of these threats, and which ones you should be most worried about.

Click here to continue reading >>

This well-illustrated guide sheds some light on sex between zombies as well as what sex between a zombie and non-zombie would be like. Though highly inaccurate, seeing as how there is no sex drive within the army of the living dead, the guide does give us a laugh. And that’s what we all need should there ever be a full-scale zombie attack.

The Zombie Sex Guide

When Zombies Attack

Breaking Away From A Zombie Love Affair

The real question on everyone’s mind is why.  Two simple words:  why not.  You’ve nothing to lose, society as we know it is but a distant memory, you’re doomed anyway, it’s easier to give in than to fight, severe psychoses, you’ve had a series of abusive relationships and it’s a small pittance at an attempt to lead a normal life.  Combine all that with their subtle groans, calm demeanor, and intoxicating aroma, we’d be crazy not to engage in some zombie action

However, for the sake of survival, we would like to outline the basic steps in ending such relationships.  We recommend therapy during and after the breakup process.

1.    First make sure that he truly is a zombie and not just another vacant, hollow, shell of a person.
2.    If you care at all for this person, understand that they would have liked to been exterminated quite some time ago. So do them a favour.
3.    Do the break up right.  If you need to, take some time and work out your own issues first.  If you go in with any hesitation, your emotions may get the best of you and you will end up with your intestines splashed across your zombie lover’s face.
4.    Realize that this relationship is abusive and going nowhere but certain death.
5.    End the relationship.  This will be the hardest part.  Seeing through it is mentally and physically taxing.
6.    Your fragile mind will find this breakup quite problematic.  You may need to call for backup.
7.    Plan your exit carefully.  Taking the time to kill one zombie is giving time for the other zombies to locate you.
8.    Take clear action.  You owe this zombie nothing.  You did not know him before nor do you really know him now.  Don’t linger by the body, don’t bury it, don’t kiss it, and don’t engage in post killing coitus.
9.    Prepare for your immediate future.  Where will you go?  What will you eat?  Where are your weapons?
10.    Take some time to realize what a fuck up you were in the first place and vow never to repeat your past.

Relationships suck.  People cheat, lie, use each other, humiliate, degrade, and hurt.  But they won’t feast on your succulent flesh like a teenage boy performing cunnilingus for the first time.  Nor will they literally break (and eat) your heart.

Who can say that they have not felt the illicit and oft fatal attraction to a member of the undead? Certainly not we. We would like to outline the major forms of zombiephilia and how one can combat the heartbreak that will follow the inevitable break up. We hope that through this blog post and further education, you will recognize the dangers you are in should you find yourself in the following situations and take the correct course of action.

Please not that zombiephilia is in no way similar to necrophilia, which is just gross and wrong.

Zombie Love Is A Killer

The most common of the zombiephilias is being in love with someone who has become a zombie. In this case, love was present before the infection and the zombiephiliac is merely attached to the shell of a person his or her lover has become. This type of zombiephilia is the most dangerous as the zombiephiliac cannot reconcile with the fact that his loved one is no longer a person. He will therefore submit to his heart’s desires and fall prey to the infection himself. A pragmatic person of sound mind would have cleaved in or shot his lover’s head from the onset of the bite, but alas, fools walk among us. Many have been lost to easily preventable lovers’ bites. If you have found yourself in this situation and are having trouble coming to terms with the death of your lover, please follow these simple steps to assure your survival.

1. Examine what happened and ask yourself why – The answer is simple: she is a zombie that will eat you. This will help you understand why you have to exterminate your lover and help you move on much quicker. You can finally make your move on that cute barista who isn’t a flesh-gorging corpse.
2. Do not second-guess your decision – Do not think that there is a cure, that your lover will change, or that maybe your lover was the exception. No, she is the rule. Her body will reanimate only to feast upon your flesh. You made the right decision in firing that Winchester at her skull. Accept it and move on.
3. Keep your distance – Move away from the body and shield your eyes if you have to (though not for long as other zombies will be moving in). No one wants to remember their loved one as a pile of rotting flesh with their brains blown halfway across the room. Do not give your lover a last kiss. There have been reported cases of people being bitten due to semi-intact brains. Do not give your lover a burial unless you are sure they are dead and that no more zombies are nearing.
4. Deal with the pain – Have a few long cries and talk to family and friends. But keep it short, many have suffered worse fates and you’re still alive. That’s plenty to be thankful for. Man up.

Steps 1, 2 and 3 should take 2 and a half minutes maximum and give yourself one or two days for Step 4. In a zombie apocalypse, time is scarce.

Stay tuned for the next post, in which we will discuss the second most common form of zombiephilia: feeling arousal or attraction to only the undead.

Venue: Coffee shop

Specifications: Reanimated corpses roaming for human flesh, slow, bad motor skills, no intelligence.
Reasons for attack: Need for human flesh and blood.
Weaknesses: Decapitation or brain trauma.
Strengths: Cannot feel pain, can walk under water, infectious, blood lust, heightened sense of smell and sound.

Zombie Strategy

Extra notes: You are not safe under water. Zombies have been known to walk into the water, on the seabed, and emerge on the other side only to kill and infect more human beings.
Probable situation: This depends on what stage of the zombie attack you are engaged in. If you are still hanging out at a Blenz, chances are you\’re at the early stages of the zombie attack. You will be looking at a small-scale attack of 1 to 5 zombies. They will attack from all sides of Blenz and if there are enough of them, they will break down the glass.
Strategy: At first sight of the zombies, immediately lock all the doors and arm yourselves with knives. Blenz will have a few knives behind the counter. If there aren\’t enough knives to go around, use blunt, heavy objects. Zombies have been known to be defeated with the use of a cricket bat. Call the police and tell them an urgent yet plausible story. They will not come to your aid should you say that you are under a zombie attack. You will have a few minutes to organize. Each person inside Blenz should mark a zombie. The zombies will have by now broken through the glass. Focus on the zombie you are marking. Aim for the neck with the goal of a decapitation or go for the head to inflict serious brain trauma. Bodily dismemberment alone will do nothing. Once you have managed to defeat all zombies, make a run for it. In a few minutes, more will come. If you see more zombies heading in your direction already, try to make a break for it and spring in the opposite direction. Grab a vehicle if possible. This is only the beginning of an outbreak that can destroy all of humanity. Organization is your best friend at this point.
Warning: If a friend or family member is bitten, treat them as a zombie as that will be there imminent future. While it will be difficult, view the bitten as nothing more than rotting piles of flesh and smash their brains in.